Why Knowing The Difference Between Personality and Character Matters
It can help tackle some of life's biggest decisions
Hello Friends,
How are you all doing this week?
A few weeks ago, I wrote a post on how to read people.
I have a confession to make. I may be good at reading people, but I’m terrible at figuring out someone’s character.
There’s been a few times in my life when a friend has misled me and revealed their true character.
Most people get confused or use personality and character interchangeably. However, there is a big difference between the two.
What is the Difference?
Personality is easy to read. Personality is what you show the outside world. It’s your range of distinctive personal qualities and traits - Funny, extroverted, energetic, optimistic, confident, negative, shy, etc. Personality is what you judge when you first meet a person. Your personality represents who you seem to be. It’s fluid and can change depending on the context.
Character is who you are inside. It’s a set of morals and beliefs that defines how you treat or behave with others and yourself. Such as determination, honesty, courage, integrity and kindness. Character is who you actually are. Although it is malleable, it is firmly rooted inside of you. And it’s the most precious thing you possess.
When wealth is lost, nothing is lost; when health is lost, something is lost; when character is lost, all is lost. - Billy Graham
Character is harder to work out because it takes time and only reveals itself in specific circumstances.
The poker table is a great place to observe one's character. Sooner or later, you will experience a bad day. It’s in these moments your baggage, your experiences and your confidence are tested. The world will feel like it’s against you. Every decision you make is correct, but lady luck denies you the privilege of winning. Your opponents run circles around you and bluff every hand against you. You lose hand after hand, chip after chip, and pot after pot, all whilst trying to maintain your sanity. Even how you handle your wins reveals glimpses of your character. Do you win gracefully or boastfully?
Why Is This Important?
Figuring out someone's character helps us tackle a few of life’s biggest decisions: Who we marry and Who do we surround ourselves with.
The problem with forming judgements on personality is that often we observe attractive personality traits and abstract out positive character traits.
For example, if someone seems fun and confident, we’re more likely to think they’re honest and kind.
We unconsciously connect personality to character for two main reasons:
We want to like people we already like.
It’s a long and laborious process to assess a person’s character.
To understand someone’s character, we need to observe them in character-challenging situations. But those are few and far between.
Without forcing people to sit down at a poker table, are there quicker ways for us to glimpse into a person’s character?
To answer this, I’ve had to seek the wisdom of others.
The Character Filter of the Greatest Investor
I introduce to you, Mr Warren Buffett.
The billionaire investor, hailed as the “Oracle of Omaha” for his investing prowess, has a set of criteria by which he judges potential candidates applying for jobs at Berkshire Hathaway.
Yes, this is a criterion for hiring people, but it’s a good place to start to help decipher someone’s character.
“You’re looking for three things, generally, in a person. Intelligence, energy, and integrity. And if they don’t have the last one, don’t even bother with the first two. I tell them, ‘Everyone here has the intelligence and energy—you wouldn’t be here otherwise. But the integrity is up to you. You weren’t born with it, you can’t learn it in school.
These qualities are choices people make. People decide whether or not to be generous, they decide whether or not to take credit for things they didn’t do, whether or not to keep score in life, whether or not to be envious.”
You decide to be dishonest, stingy, uncharitable, egotistical, all the things people don’t like in other people, they are all choices.” - Warren Buffett
What we’re looking for is integrity - if a person’s actions align with what he or she says.
As Naval Ravikant once said, “Intentions don’t matter. Actions do. That’s why being ethical is hard.”
Another heuristic to determine a person’s character is if they live by their inner score card.
Ask yourself, “Would you rather be the world’s greatest lover, but have everyone think you’re the world’s worst lover? Or would you rather be the world’s worst lover but have everyone think you’re the world’s greatest lover?”
Those who live by an inner scorecard don’t compromise their standards or violate their values. Be wary of those who seek external validation.
Dancing With the Devil
I don’t mean to imply that personality has no relevance. But when making decisions about who we let into our lives, character is often overlooked. It only takes one person to change your life, for good or bad.
When you find the right people, invest deeply into the relationship.
I was no saint when I was a poker player. I used to say one thing and do another. Perhaps that’s why I was terrible at finding people with good character.
But knowing my mistakes, I view my life as one big lucky accident.
I got to dance with the devil, lose my way and learn what it means to have good character.
— Jason Vu Nguyen
Poem of The Week: The Bull - Ocean Vuong
He stood alone in the backyard, so dark the night purpled around him. I had no choice. I opened the door & stepped out. Wind in the branches. He watched me with kerosene -blue eyes. What do you want? I asked, forgetting I had no language. He kept breathing, to stay alive. I was a boy - which meant I was a murderer of my childhood. & like all muderers, my god was stillness. My god, he was still there. Like something prayed for by a man with no mouth. The green-blue lamp swirled in its socket. I didn't want him. I didn't want him to be beautiful - but needing beauty to be more than hurt gentle enough to hold, I reached for him. I reached - not the bull - but the depths. Not an answer but an entrance the shape of an animal. Like me.