The Secret To Reading People
They say it's a superpower
What do you think is the most successful hunter in the animal kingdom?
A lion? Or a cheetah? Or perhaps a wolf? They are all powerful striking beasts. They are all deadly.
Yet none of them even comes close to being the most successful.
The cheetah is the highest, killing approximately 58% of the prey it hunts. Next is the lion, killing only 25% of its mark. And the wolf kills only 14% of what it stalks.
But there’s a true deadly killer that supersedes these majestic beasts with a kill rate of 95% - It’s the dragonfly.
It may not look as majestic or revered with great admiration. But its eyes have developed to spot the tiniest deviation in motion. The dragonfly's wings allow it to swoop in with quick reflexes. It’s the ultimate predator because it sees what their prey is doing and can predict what it will do and react accordingly.
In the world of poker, the best players aren’t cheetahs or lions. They are dragonflies.
We sit quietly, watching, analysing, and planning. We observe the slightest motion. Our muscles are primed and ready to respond. Changing our hunting approach based on what we observe in our prey. We can predict what they will do and how they will do it and craft our strategy. Observation flows on several levels, and we can parse the specifics of every opponent.
From the eight years of playing poker, I'm able to figure out a person, with a high degree of accuracy, in a few minutes.
I was often asked, "how do you read people?" and each time, I would shrug back and tell them I had no idea how. It was when I discovered how comedy worked that it finally clicked.
Successful comedians are like great poker players. They’re both good at pattern recognition and seeing a connection. And have spent time honing and refining it.
All humans have evolved to find patterns as it was essential for survival. It makes us better at catching fish, avoiding poisonous mushrooms, and getting a job.
This is also why stereotyping is such a human reaction. It’s how we learn. Stereotyping is pattern recognition. It leads to observation, but the downside is it sometimes can lead to racism.
Another more measurable, rigorous and fancy way of thinking about stereotyping is psychometrics. Psychologists developed instruments and procedures to measure people and put them into categories.
The psychometrics model I used in poker was a crude, low-resolution version of the big five, also known as OCEAN.
In poker, we call weak opponents fish and good players sharks. Can we take a moment to appreciate how fitting the OCEAN acronym is?
What is the Big Five/OCEAN*?
Openness
This trait is openness to experience. People who are high in openness tend to be tolerant of ambiguity and creativity. They are seen to be thoughtful and socially liberal. Those who score low in openness tend to be pragmatic and conservative.
Conscientiousness
People who are conscientious are very structural and tend to be hardworking, organised, and dutiful. People who score low in conscientiousness tend to be more impulsive.
Extraversion
Extraverted people are more reward focused and need external stimulation. Extraverts are outgoing and sociable. Whereas introverts have a deeper inner world and prefer quietness.
Agreeableness
Agreeable people are more accepting of other people’s perspectives. They tend to be trusting, cooperative and non-confrontational. Disagreeable people are cynical and competitive.
Neuroticism
Neurotic people are sensitive to threats. They are irritable, pessimistic and immoderate. Whereas emotional stable people tend to be more relaxed.
*Important disclaimer: there is no such thing as a ‘bad’ personality. These models are a simplification of life. OCEAN misses a lot of nuance and other important individual differences. Such as intelligence, spirituality and sexuality.
A slice of moist, smooth, and indulgenlty rich red velvet cake.
Imagine you’re at a friend’s birthday party. Someone has given you a delicious but small thin slice of red velvet cake. You glance at this thin slice and can accurately tell what the rest of the cake looks like without seeing it.
This psychological principle is known as thin-slicing and can be applied to people.
Thin slices are not only accurate and fast, but they can be also pretty powerful at predicting behaviour.
Based on a ‘thin slice’ of a person’s behaviour, I am able to guesstimate what a person is like. And in turn, predict other things about them. When behaviours are analysed, some correlate with one another and can reveal personality.
Personality is essentially behaviour that is repeated and thus predictable.
You can’t help being you and all the clues are written all over your face. Yes, your poker face needs a bit of work.
I know this sounds a bit woo woo and far-fetched. But a lot of academic research supports the idea that you can read personality through people’s facial features.
Of course, I’ve had times where it’s backfired but if I’d say I’m close to 80% on the money of reading someone.
They say reading people is a superpower.
But I’m not some special human that the gods have blessed with this skill. This skill is innate to everyone because we all are cognitive misers with limited attention spans. We thin-slice because we have to. But crucially, you can’t and probably shouldn’t judge a book by its cover.
While in the past I have used this with the intent of robbing a person of their poker chips, reading people can help you understand and create a deeper connection with others - and that's the real superpower.
“With great power, comes great responsibility” - Voltaire/Uncle Ben (Spiderman)
Hey all,
Hope you had a great week!
I read and watch a lot of content, so I wanted to share a few things that I found interesting in the last week.
What I’ve been listening:
🎵 A Lone Acacia - Hemispheres: My school friend has realesed his first single. If you love some ambient, chill electronic music, give it a listen.
🎙 How To Deal With Being Anxiously Attached: I’ve been trying to understand more about my failures in previous relationships. Attachment styles has helped explain why I behave the way I behave in relationships.
What I’ve been reading:
🧾 Forgetting My first Language - The New Yorker: A piece on identity and culture. This one hit home for me.
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I was away on offline for about 10 days and had this saved up for when I returned to "civilization" and I'm so glad I did. Love the OCEAN concept - much to think about. Once again, thank you for sharing.