Everywhere And Nowhere
The internet, modern social interactions and connections
Hey Friends,
I couldn’t stand it anymore.
Staring at a screen became unbearable in June. I know, the irony is not lost on me that I had to stare at a screen to deliver this to your inbox.
It got to the point where I knew way too much about people I didn’t know at all.
I’m a millennial. So I’m old enough to know what life was like just before high-speed internet and smartphones.
I also know, what used to take a couple of hours of casual conversation to figure people out, now only requires a momentary glance into a soft glow of a screen, a tap into an app, and a flick through a profile.
I can whip out my phone, look at your profile and get a reasonable sense of where you’re from, what your interests are, and whether you’re a cat or a dog person.
I’m old enough to remember using this gaze for those who piqued my curiosity. But now, I can learn about your food tastes, lifestyle, and fashion sense without ever suffering through the arduous slog of meeting you in person and engaging in small talk.
Dating apps, before we even arrange the first date over oat lattes and lemon sorbets, it’s possible to learn more about your goals and aspirations, how many siblings you have, what kinks you’re into or how desperate you’re not to get married.
We used to earn intimacy over a series of shared events, not over some memes or texts. We forged a connection beyond what could be conveyed in words or pixels. We nurtured closeness over cups of coffee, epic night outs, late-night conversations, or life-changing situations.
The in-vogue way to earn intimacy starts with humans as profile pictures and story updates. Humans as YouTube channels. Humans as “The Writing Guy”. Humans as, please like, follow and subscribe.
Modern social interaction has drastically changed the way we view and value things like boundaries, intimacy and comfort.
The internet has allowed us to pluck, trim and squeeze our social circles to be exactly what we want and how we want. You can find someone with the same interests and tastes in any corner of the internet.
And when we go back to real life, and it becomes too real, too much or not enough, we can pull out our phones and change the channel and see who else is online right now.
Modern social interaction has allowed us to be everywhere and nowhere.
Our phones are now the ultimate exit strategy.
I can mentally check out of any situation. In the queues outside of a bar, in lad group conversations about flashy cars, or in the rush hour wait at a Kings Cross station.
I can also use my phone to create situations. I can ask someone out for a glass or two of Pinot Noir, invite friends for a vindaloo, or impulsively book a vacation.
I can binge How I Met Your Mother whilst texting my friends in Hong Kong about economic news. I can read the latest FTX updates on Twitter whilst tuning out the wannabe crypto trader sitting next to me at the bar. I can send erotic novel sexts over WhatsApp to my love interest whilst I sip on booze.
Your phone allows you to skip out any scene that doesn’t suit you. If that wasn’t enough, you can further insulate yourself from the doldrums of life and wear headphones to cancel out all the noise in the world. At the office, on the plane, on the commute to work, on a run, or on a workout at the gym. You turn down the noise of life and crank up the volume on the Spotify playlist you cutely named “Soulful Vibes For A Soulful Day”.
There. We’ve finally achieved it: To be aware of everything and present for nothing.
We humans have this insatiable quest to game the ever-living shit out of anything. This leads us to tinker and optimise the highest performance out of our surroundings.
Kind of like how Google Maps sucks the serendipity and mystery out of journeys to new horizons. We put on horse blinkers and run straight for the destination. We no longer get lost in the journey of discovery with ourselves and with others. Thanks to our phones, we’re everywhere and nowhere.
The way we interact with our phones has turned us into compulsive consumers. We can go on Medium and read “5 Productivity Hacks To Work More In Less Time” instead of working. We can go on YouTube to see what fancy five-star resort our favourite fashion influencer is staying at this week instead of taking a holiday ourselves.
The closer we get to absolute everything, the further away we seem to drift from any one thing.
Yet study after study shows people who use social media and smartphones the most are the least satisfied with their lives.
I wish I could get to know people better. I wish I could be closer to people. I wish I could be more present.
Perhaps I’d be better off if I destroyed my phone and embraced the lost art of living. With nothing but chirping birds for company.
Hopefully, next time I’ll resist the urge to reach into my pocket and scroll through the Instagram profiles of the 681 people I follow but don’t know.
Hopefully, I won’t miss what’s in front of me just to see what I’m missing.
And hopefully, I’m aware of nothing but present for everything.
— Jason Vu Nguyen
What's the saying? Moderation in all things, including moderation. Living 'in the present' with chirping birds and scrolling IG can co-exist. Isn't more about balance than exclusion?