On Earth I'm Briefly 31
31 Lessons From The Past Year
Hey Friends,
Two weeks ago, I watched a live stream of Ocean Vuong reading some of his poems at Civitella Ranieri Art Foundation in Italy. (Thank you Jude for alerting me about the event!)
Before he read out his final poem (see below), Vuong said, “I find that I write best when I’m writing to the scared version of myself.”
I found this so deeply profound.
While I can’t say I write best when I’m writing to the scared version of myself, I can say that the last year I was the most scared version of myself: heartbreak, an identity crisis, dealing with masculinity in the 21st century, and changing careers.
It’s been the most psychologically painful year I’ve experienced. But I’m still here, I’m still alive, and I’m grateful for everything.
On October 1st, I will turn 31. However, if I could go back in time and tell my scared 30-year-old self what I’ve learned in a space of a year, here’s what I would say:
You don’t know what’s best for your life. Predicting your future does not guarantee it will happen.
Your identity doesn’t have to be cohesive. You don’t have to assign labels to yourself. It closes you off, and you get attached to it. Instead, be a verb, not a noun. I’m not a thing — a writer, an entrepreneur, a climber — I am a person who does things – I write, I climb, I sell – and I never know what I am going to do next.
You can be good at a lot of things without lacking in others – You don’t have to be a novel but a book of stories instead.
Don’t try to balance and juggle life. Instead, prioritise what matters most to you now and give it 110% effort.
It’s better to be selfish than envious (stole this one from Rob Henderson).
To deserve the right person, you have to be the right person. We desire so much to find the right one to love, but are you the right person?
The greatest joy is finding the extraordinary in the ordinary – It is the first sip of your morning coffee, the glowing sun falling asleep over the city skyline, or the way a hot shower gently massages away your frustrations after a bad day.
Don’t try to change people. Who are you to think you know what’s best for a person? Instead, listen to them and ask them questions.
Envy is a powerful force. Many times it is real and unavoidable. But the way you express it is entirely under your control.
Health, wealth and relationships all have to be earned. They are like investment accounts – the sooner you invest, the greater your returns will be.
No one gives a fuck about how much stuff you have or what you’ve achieved. Only you do. What matters is how you make others feel around you.
Despite the heartbreak, I can’t think of anything that is more beautiful than loving someone with all of my heart.
Even when you’re in pain, it’s always worth it to make your little corner of the universe a slightly better place.
Beauty belongs to the impermanent. We cherish most the things we can lose.
Self-awareness is just being radically honest with yourself.
If you reframe a question, you’ll get a different answer.
What people truly believe lies in how they act.
Magic is greater than logic.
To achieve something great, you have to be slightly deluded. You have to be humble enough to put in the work but arrogant enough to think you can actually do it.
You have no idea what you’re doing, and that’s not a bad thing. It means you’re growing.
Listen to the world first, take seriously what is worth taking seriously and laugh about the rest.
It’s better to have friends who vehemently disagree with you but have good character than friends who agree with you but have no character.
Keep practising gratitude, it gets better.
Be kind but maintain enough boundaries so no one can invade your space.
You still miss her, but that’s okay. It shows how much you were capable of loving someone.
Not everything is writing material.
It’s better to be alone than try to fit in with people who don’t align with you.
Be careful of what you say, especially the needs, shoulds and wants. Words are powerful.
It is easier to avoid unhappiness than to seek happiness.
Don’t avoid your emotions. Sadness, anger, grief, rage, joy, and happiness are all essential to being human. They bring colour and contrast to the world.
You’ll figure it out. You always do.
— Jason Vu Nguyen
Someday I’ll Love Ocean Vuong
Ocean, don’t be afraid. The end of the road is so far ahead it is already behind us. Don’t worry. Your father is only your father until one of you forgets. Like how the spine won’t remember its wings no matter how many times our knees kiss the pavement. Ocean, are you listening? The most beautiful part of your body is wherever your mother’s shadow falls. Here’s the house with childhood whittled down to a single red tripwire. Don’t worry. Just call it horizon & you’ll never reach it. Here’s today. Jump. I promise it’s not a lifeboat. Here’s the man whose arms are wide enough to gather your leaving. & here the moment, just after the lights go out, when you can still see the faint torch between his legs. How you use it again & again to find your own hands. You asked for a second chance & are given a mouth to empty into. Don’t be afraid, the gunfire is only the sound of people trying to live a little longer. Ocean. Ocean, get up. The most beautiful part of your body is where it’s headed. & remember, loneliness is still time spent with the world. Here’s the room with everyone in it. Your dead friends passing through you like wind through a wind chime. Here’s a desk with the gimp leg & a brick to make it last. Yes, here’s a room so warm & blood-close, I swear, you will wake— & mistake these walls for skin.